This has not been the best of days for me. It started out like any other Thursday morning. It is always hard to get the kids up and going on Thursdays due to Wednesday night church. I simply made a status update on facebook saying:
"I guess threatening to quit going to church on Wednesday night has finally paid off! I haven't had any problem out of the kids (except for Brittney's attitude) in 2 weeks!"
I ended up getting a response from an old church friend. Her response really startled me. She took what I said out of context and proceeded to write something that made me feel really bad. I private messaged her to let her know that she took what I said out of context and that I didn't mean what she said. I thought that was the end of it. I got a message back from her and it was harsh. She told me (and I am paraphrasing here) that I am not handling Brittney right and that posting things on facebook about her is mean and humiliating to her. It really got to me! I began to wonder if I really was hurting Brittney without knowing it. I went through my status updates to check it out.
I went back as far as the beginning of December and nothing I saw was humiliating. Yes, I have posted when we have had issues and I did post a funny story she told me but she knew it. I normally always tell her what I am posting. Then I started to feel really bad. What if I am doing wrong and I wasn't figuring it out? Am I screwing up my kids? Am I really as bad a mom as I feel in this moment?
I struggled with this all day. I didn't know how to deal with the overwhelming guilt I was starting to feel. I thought about asking a friend if she thought I was humiliating Brittney but I ended up just praying about it. I asked God to show me if I was doing wrong and if I was, show me how to fix it. I have cried most of the day dealing with this.
After getting my kids off to bed and balancing my checkbook, I decided to check facebook one more time before I went to bed. I saw that I had a private message. I was hoping it wasn't from the same friend. I just couldn't handle any more guilt. I clicked on it and was completely surprised. It was from a lady I hadn't heard from in several years. We were church friends but have lost touch.
I was almost afraid to look at it. I knew it had to do with the post this morning. As I read it, tears came rushing to my eyes! Her message was the answer to the prayer I had prayed earlier. She reassured me I was the best mom for my kids. I was so blown away! I know God answers prayers but lately, I have felt like mine were being ignored. He took the perfect opportunity to show me He is still listening.
I am so grateful to both of the "old friends". I may not have liked what the first one said but through that, I got the assurance I needed about being a mom from the other one. God is good!
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