Trusting

This week I have been really working on trusting God in my finances. I have most of my bills due now and I don't have enough money to pay them all. Now, I know God provides for all our needs and I have seen it happen over and over. Still, I have trouble worrying about things. I like to know that things are physically taken care of. This has been a big test for me. Trust God with my finances and bills. Leave it all up to him. It will be ok. I know this in my heart, I know this is the right thing to do yet when I look at my emptying cupboards I get scared. I need money for food.

There have been some good things that came out of Billie's time off. I think our relationship has gotten stronger, he got to spend much needed time with the kids, and his back is better. The bad is the money. Unfortunately we live in a world where money is needed for everything.

Why is it so hard to trust God when it comes to finances? I trust him with my kids, my safety, my life, but when it comes to money, I can't stand to let go of control of it. In the back of my mind I feel like a failure if I can't get things taken care of in a timely manner. I don't have a job outside of the home. It is my responsibility to take care of the home and the bills. I suck at housework but I was pretty good on the bills. I like the feeling of knowing everything is paid and on time and nothing will be shut off. It is a security for me. Not knowing how to save everything this month is just scaring me to death.

This blog is a way for me to get out my fears and frustrations. Through this and through prayer I know God will help me. Even though I may not deserve it, I know he has a plan for my family and we will come out of this much, much better.