Miriam Webster's dictionary defines a "friend" as 1-One attached to another by affection or esteem, 2-One that is not hostile, 3-A favored companion. It also defines acquaintance as 1-Personal knowledge, 2-A person whom one knows but who is not a particularly close friend. Seems pretty cut and dry. A friend is someone drawn to you by affection while acquaintance is someone who knows you but has no personal attachment. After reading these definitions, I started looking back on people in my life. I know I have had friends. People who have been major parts of my life. People who I still speak to (even on facebook) and miss them terribly. I haven't had many friends like that in the past few years. I have actually felt extremely alone. Almost pathetic, my "friends" now a days are characters on tv shows. I feel more connected to made up people than to people in my life. I am beginning to think I have surrounded myself with acquaintances rather than friends.
I have always been the person who feels like the odd one out. Through different challenges in my past I have been very isolated. God, fortunately, put some amazing people in my life. My oldest friend (not in age but in number of years I have known her) is London. We met in the 4th grade. We were close for many years. In the 8th grade London transferred schools and our friendship kind of fizzled. It was painful. It got lonely. We saw each other less and less until we didn't see each other at all. I thought I would never have another friend like that again (remember, I am young here). Luckily, Karie came into my life not long after London left. I don't know how we became friends. We were total opposites! She was loud, opinionated, and extrovert, always looking for attention. I was quiet, kept my mouth shut, an introvert, and tried to blend into a crowd. We met when I was in 8th grade and she was in 7th. I thought she was the most annoying person I had ever met! Eventually I started seeing the amazing side of Karie and we became inseparable all through high school. We even went to college together! In that case, I ended up hurting her when I mad the decision to drop out and move to Arkansas. I am so grateful our friendship still stands today. We really had our ups and downs all through the years. I miss her terribly. Too many miles in between us now. I look forward to next summer when I go back to Utah and visit!
I have had other wonderful friendships in my life. Kelly was a great friend, so was Amanda and Jennifer. Kenna and I were pretty close until she went off to college. Gary was friend I met at summer camp who continued to be a close friend for many years after. Then there was Andy. He changed my life forever. I still morn him. It has been almost two months since his death and I still grieve. These people have left indelible legacies in my life. I still speak to most of them (thank you, facebook!). I consider these people my friends, even today. I love them all so much!
Now, to the present. I have one person I know I can call a friend. Jenny. She has always accepted me for who I am. No questions asked. She and her husband, Matt, have always been loving and caring to me and my family. They never seemed to care that Billie doesn't attend church. I never felt left out with them. They moved away last summer and things just haven't been the same. I feel like I am left out of quite a bit of things now. The people who I thought were friends have become very clicky. I am on the outside looking in. It is extremely lonely. I have started to realize these people were more acquaintances to me now. It has to be true. I am sure they think of me the same way. I am a church acquaintance. Someone they know but are not emotionally tied to. It is really hard.
My friend, Jenny, told me a story once about how she prayed for a friend for her son. She knew God had someone special for him out there. God answered that prayer and her son found a wonderful friend. I started doing the same thing for my daughter. I pray consistently that God would bring a wonderful friend to her. She gets lonely, too. She is a great kid but she can be a little quirky and little girls don't really like to play with her. She isn't a girly-girl so it can be hard for her to connect. Now, as I pray for her to get her special friend, I have added a new prayer. I never pray for myself except for patience with my kids, patience with my husband, good health, and to be what He wants me to be. I have started praying that not only would God bring my daughter a good friend but He would also show me a good one, too. I am tired to being lonely and having only tv friends. I need a friend.
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