Monday, March 26, 2012

Good-bye, dear friend


It was the summer of1992 when Andrew Jensen came into my life. It was a very complicated time in my life. I was about to start my senior year in high school and my parents were just about the separate. 17 can be hard enough without adding complications.
It was at summer camp where I came face to face with this short, stalky, not too bad looking young man with an amazing smile. We hit it off right away. I think we spent most of the first day of camp just talking and getting to know each other. We had a lot in common. We were the same age. We had come out of the same situation. We were both dealing with the fallout of that situation. It was the beginning of a friendship that would play a major role in my life.
Andy and I didn't go to the same school. He lived in a town about 25 minutes from Brigham City (my hometown). His family started coming to church at the church we went to so we got to see each other every Sunday. He and his brother, Ben, became good friends with my brother, Ryan. We all got pretty close. I even asked Andy to the Sadie Hawkins dance at my school. We went with my 2 best friends and their dates. I still remember every moment of that night. It was one of those times that you look back on when you are having a bad day and just laugh. It was a really fun night.
Around Christmas that year, Andy's family moved to Brigham City. He started school and we had the same first class. It was a Christian Seminary class. There was a kid in that class who was just taking it to get an easy A. During Andy's first week of school this same kid started calling me some names. He called me a whore and a few choice words. Andy jumped on him and they fought. No, I don't condone the fighting but he was defending his friend, me. No one had ever done that for me. The whole situation ended up ending the Christian seminary class. We didn't have anymore classes together after that.
Through the next months Andy would help my brother and me make it through a divorce, family problems, a new step father, and craziness in general. He was a great friend. I always joked with him and told him he was good for my self esteem. He always made me feel like I was worth something. Did I have a crush on him? DUH!! Of course I did! He was a good looking guy and he gave me attention! Did anything ever happen there? No. Not for lack of trying (on both sides). I think our friendship always got in the way. We forged a bond that was very strong.
I moved to Arkansas in 1994 and lost contact with Andy. I went in over my head into a relationship that nearly killed me. I was a complete mess. By the spring of 1996 my mom was telling me it was time to go back to Utah. She knew if anyone could pull me out of the funk I was in, it would be my friends back home. I hopped a plane that April. My best friend, Karie, talked until she was blue trying to show me that the relationship I was trying to hold onto was toxic and I deserved much better. I wouldn't listen. Karie loved me like a sister and she was so frustrated that I wouldn't listen. She called Andy. He came and we talked for hours. I didn't realize how far on the bottom I was. I had hit rock bottom and was digging farther down. Andy looked me straight in the eye and told me I deserved better. I was worth it. I was a good person and I deserved someone who would love me and treat me with respect. I deserved more that this bad relationship. He broke through. I was finally able to get past that toxic relationship. A few weeks after I return to Arkansas, I met the man I would later marry. I don't think I would have met him if it wasn't for that talk with Andy. I told him later that he helped mend my shattered heart. I will always be grateful to him for what he did for me.
In 1997, I heard a knock at my door. I opened it and Andy was standing on my porch! He and his brother, Ben, had driven from Utah to Arkansas to see my brother and me. I was so happy to see him. They spent 4 or 5 days at our house and those days were amazing. I didn't realize how much I had missed him. We talked for hours. We were good at that. That was the last time I saw Andy face to face. I planned on seeing him next summer when my family took a vacation to Utah. I cannot believe he won't be there. Andy and I reconnected on facebook a couple of years ago. We had several long conversations. He sent me a digital download of his favorite book. I still have it. He would always say I was important to him. I don't know if he knew how important he was to me. I am so thankful he was my friend. I am so thankful he chose me. I look back now and I see we really had a bond. We obviously needed each other.
My dear Andy left this earth early Saturday morning. When I found out my heart instantly broke. I had to shelve my grief for awhile because I had promised my kids a wonderful day trip to Hot Springs. Today is the first day I have actually allowed myself to grieve. Although I haven't seen him in more than 10 years, I will miss him the rest of my life. He was my special someone who loved me for me and nothing ever changed it. I thank God for bringing him into my life.
Thank you, Andy, for being my friend. For helping me through some tough times. For showing me kindness and happiness. This earth just will not be the same without your amazing smile and gigantic heart. I love you, my friend. I know I will see you again.

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